'Notification: We've received your order!'
'Keep this message for your records!'
'Your order has been shipped!'
'You've received your order!'
'Please register your order to receive updates! (mandatory)'
'Tell us what you think of your order!'
'Your order is due for scheduled maintenance!'
'If you do not have a trained professional perform the scheduled maintenance, your order will no longer be compatible with other units.'
'Do you really want that on your conscience.'
'Your order died because of your neglect prick.'
'We're sorry to hear that your order is no longer in service.'
'Good news! You are eligible for a discounted new order—just enter in the registration number from your old order when prompted!'
'Okay okay, I got one. Drink if you've ever “pleasured” an animal before.'
*one person drinks*
'well, come on, what did he mean by ‘pleasured?’
'I didn't mean anything, but it's interesting that you asked.'
'Ok, I'm next, I got one…'
'Whoa whoa whoa hold on, just to clear the air, that was an implication that I had, you know, “pleasured” an animal before, but like as a joke, like it was intentional so that you were supposed to know, not make you think that I maybe really had, you know.’
'I didn't mean that at all.'
Guy Fieri thinks about how insane and beautiful and life-affirming it would be to go back to the gas station and walk directly in and ask for her phone number three hours after he was there before
'Now,we all know that Guy Fieri loved pizza'
'But, well, you know how you recommend something to someone and it's almost like by virtue of your having recommended it, they won't do it?'
'Well by God, if I recommended a Big Al's pizza and the very next day, he comes up to me and he says, “Dude, you were right on about the pizza.”'